What Comes Around Goes Around

One summer, I was visiting with my sister and her family. They live in a different state than us so it is always a major event to travel for an extended visit. They always put us up for the week and do their best to make sure everyone has a great time. My sister’s oldest child is a beautiful young girl who was about to start high school that fall. I’ll call her Pixie because she shares my love of fairies. The first day I was there, Pixie told me that my sister has started comparing the two of us. Apparently, whenever she’s angry at Pixie for misbehaving, my sister says, “You’re just like your aunt Skye!” Since Pixie hasn’t seen very much of me over the years, she was naturally curious to find out what that means to be just like me. From what I understand, my sister basically told her that we were both really stubborn and won’t back down in a fight and that we both always have to march to our own drummer. My sister loves both of us so we were not too worried about that. But Pixie wanted advice from me about what I would do if I were in her shoes getting in trouble for the things she gets into trouble for.

I had to laugh. The combination of stubbornness and marching to one’s own drummer guarantees that we are always going to be in trouble with someone for something. I started out by telling Pixie that by insisting on being her own unique wonderful self that she was never going to fit in with the norm. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s just the way of it. She was so funny, as she said that was fine with her because she doesn’t like the norm. Yeah, I could definitely see myself in her. But could I help her to not go through the rough spots that being so different entails?

I remembered back through my own life and what it feels like to not quite fit in wherever you go. I knew how difficult that felt as a teenager and how lonely it felt at times. That is the nature of hearing that far off music that just does not quite match everyone else’s in the family. I was not at all surprised when she told me that she is going to have a tattoo of a sad weeping fairy placed at the small of her back once she’s old enough. Poor Pixie is already so aware of life’s heartaches. If she is lucky, she will find others that dance to the same beat.

Sometimes I wish I could scoop her up and bring her home with me, but she and her mother would both be miserable so far apart. They are really close and need each other. She has been raised so differently from how my children were raised and I think she would hate my house rules. When she fantasizes about coming to live with me, I think that she thinks that it would just be the two of us having these wonderful long heartwarming talks. She does not really know the strictness of grades and the chores and such that happen so differently at my house. She has never seen me fly off the handle yelling at my own kids. I would not put up with a lot of the stuff that my sister puts up with. She would be grounded all of the time and would not have any spending money if she was with me.

Since I am not her mom, she is more likely to listen to tidbits of advice from me. Also, I understand her better than a lot of other people might. So, I had to think hard about what advice would I give this young teenager beginning her great rebellion against authority and the status quo. Having not quite finished my own rebellion, I looked at what advice I wish someone had given me. Something smart and easy to remember would be best. Here’s what stuck out as the best wisdom I could give her.

“Don’t do anything or say anything that’s going to come back and bite you in the butt!” It is her generation’s version of ‘what comes around goes around.’ I did not explain karma to her so much as the cycles and rules of this game of life. Every choice we make, every word we speak, every thought we have, every action we take in life goes out into the world and causes something else to happen or to not happen. Funny thing about this game of life, time is weird and warped. Some things cause events to happen right away, but other things take a long long time to come back around. Sometimes we repeat an action for years not realizing that it is filling the pipeline of our life so that eventually we are going to be knocked upside the head for those repeated behaviors. An easy example is smoking cigarettes. Each one in the moment may not seem like that big of a deal and smoking just one cigarette by itself does not really affect ones health. But, make the choice to be a lifetime smoker and one day it is going to come back and kick you. You are going to regret picking up that first one.

So I tried to tell Pixie to think long and hard before she takes action. Think about the choices you make. Think about the possible long-term effects that today’s moment of pleasure could bring. Educate yourself thoroughly about the big things so that you are making an informed decision. You will be amazed as you get into your thirties and forties and watch the foolish spontaneous decisions of your youth come back around full circle. Don’t choose things solely on wanting to be different, choose them because they serve you and won’t mess up your dreams down the road. Choose wisely dear and be nice to your mom.

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