The author,

Skye Thomas is

available for

one-on-one

private consultations.

Do you like

this article?

 

We send out articles like this one in our free weekly newsletter.  The newsletter is written to motivate, inspire, educate, and entertain you.  

 

To sign up, send us an email to Subscribe@TomorrowsEdge.net with the words "free motivational newsletter" in the subject line.  We will be happy to add you to the list.

 

Looking Up Newsletter

 

 

How can I stop the

negative self-talk from ruining my life?

 

How can I conquer my negativity and become a naturally positive person?

 

Why am I so fearful

of trying new things?

 

How can I improve

my self-esteem?

 

Beyond the Inner Critic

answers these questions

and more

Check out our

fun gift shop!

Tomorrow’s Edge

Gift Shoppe

Articles     Newsletters     Gifts     Life Coaching     Books     Contact Us

Horoscopes     Personalized Astrology     and so much more...

Two-Year Olds:  

The Original Freedom Fighters

 

We call him the Buddha Napoleon.  Anyone who has ever lived with a two-year old knows exactly what I am talking about.  He is this amazing blend of cosmic beauty, love, and peace while simultaneously making it crystal clear that he is the grand dictator of the known universe.  His little size never deters him from anything he sets his mind to.  I had forgotten so much since raising my first two children.  The ten and twelve year age difference allows for that.  Lucky for the Buddha Napoleon, I have had practice and am a lot more knowledgeable and patient this time around.  

 

This is probably the most important year for his social development.  During the first year of a baby’s life, we are supposed to set a solid foundation of love and trust.  That first year puts in place a basic belief that the world is a wonderful place full of love and light, or it is not.  The second year, we teach them to believe in themselves.  Get up and walk, learn to speak, learn to manipulate toys, learn that ever-important can-do attitude.  

 

After the second birthday, it is all about personal power and boundaries.  How do we get what we want from others?  How do we stay out of trouble?  Why do all of these stupid rules exist anyway?  Do I have a right to tell you “No” since you say it to me all of the time?  What are the consequences if I give in all of the time?  And if I don’t give in, then what?  Am I in charge of my life or are you?  

 

It is a miniature version of the same dynamics we go through with our teenagers.  They are just revisiting these same questions from a taller and more hormonal perspective.  Handle the two-year old stage well, and you will find the teenage years are not nearly so difficult.  

 

Remember back to when you were thirteen… did your folks answer your questions with, “Because I said so” or did they actually give you real reasons for their decisions?  Which had a bigger impact on your ability to honor and respect their viewpoint?  It is no different with two-year olds.  

 

Find the vocabulary that they understand and explain to them why they cannot scream at the top of their lungs just to hear the echo throughout the grocery store.  It hurts my ears.  It hurts everyone in the store's ears, and that’s not okay.  Explain why they cannot kick and pound on you while you are buckling them into the car seat.  That hurts me, and I don’t like it.  

 

Quite often, they will quit.  You will still have days when they will do it anyway, but they will completely understand why they are getting busted.  They will know that it is because they made a choice not because you are just being mean for the heck of it.  Over and over, you have to keep telling them why.  

 

They also need to see you enforce the rules on others too.  Role model for them that everyone in the house is being held by the same standards of behavior.  Conduct yourself accordingly.  Eventually, they will come to agree with the rules if they understand the reasoning behind them.  “Because I said so” isn’t a reason that any self-respecting two-year old will ever embrace.

 

Self-respect is a very important aspect that I think too many parents downplay in raising their children.  How is someone supposed to come away with any kind of self-respect if they have been raised to never ever disagree or question authority?  My favorite is when I hear people say, “You don’t say no to me - I’m your mother!”  The fact that people are capable of breeding does not make them right!  

 

If you want your child to respect you and to speak to you with respect, then earn it.  Children are very observant.  Do you practice what you preach?  Do you scream and yell at them - and then bust them for doing the same thing back to you?  They mimic your behaviors because you represent what it is to be a grown up in society.  Do you spank first and ask questions second?  Then they will too.  

 

Do you want a child who grows up to be a follower or a leader?  If you punish them every time they try to take the lead, then they will either avoid leadership, or they will punish anyone who gets in their way.  

 

Give your child the right to say “No.”  Tell your two-year old it is okay to say “No, I don’t want Uncle Johnny to pick me up and tickle me right now.”  Then, make Uncle Johnny respect your toddler’s personal space.  Later, when the child is in someone else’s space, you can remind them of how it feels as you explain why they need to back off.

 

The key to this is to teach your child about presentation and about listening skills.  It’s okay to disagree with me, but you can’t scream and yell and kick.  It’s okay to tell me no, but you also have to listen to my side of the argument too.  You then have to role model what it is you want from them.  You have to listen to their reasons and then they have to listen to yours.  Teach them negotiation skills.  Teach them how to say no so that it is not offensive.  

 

Sure, it is a lot easier to just deny them the right to disagree, but it will come back on you when they are teenagers.  Almost everyone disagreed with me when I gave my first two kids permission to question authority and to openly argue their point before they had even entered preschool.  I just made sure they were polite and respectful while doing so.  Their teachers and babysitters were not too thrilled, but communications were always open and honest.  They became diplomats, negotiators, and natural leaders as a result.  My older two have a solid belief in setting personal boundaries and not allowing others to take advantage.  And so does the Buddha Napoleon.

 

Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow’s Edge

 

Want to chat with the author?