Taking Personal Stock
What is the difference between self-criticism and self-awareness? There is so much
talk in the world about loving ourselves just the way we are. The idea is that we
are each perfect and beautiful. It goes even further to say that in reference to
our personal journeys, we are exactly where we are meant to be and there is no need
to berate ourselves for not being more spiritual, more educated, more affluent, more
of anything. My concern is that so many people take that to mean they can then sit
and do nothing about fixing any of their self-limiting ways. People act as though
acknowledging a flaw or even using the very word ‘flaw’ is the same as self-hatred
and is too critical. Yes, those who have been on the path of self-enlightenment
for a long time have discovered the difference, but I am not so sure that the everyday
Joe on the street understands the message completely.
Nobody lives a perfect blissful life from birth to the grave. Problems arise and
we usually play a role in creating those problems for ourselves. Perhaps the problem
is that we just are not where we want to be in life. If we are ever to fix anything
or solve any problems, we must first pull our head out of the sand and acknowledge
the situation for what it is. Take full stock of ourselves, our beliefs, our gifts,
our talents, our challenges, our flaws, everything. By really looking at ourselves,
we can then decide what we do and do not like about ourselves. From a place of self-awareness,
we can determine what is helping us to accomplish our goals and what is limiting
us. That is being self-aware.
Self-criticism looks very similar. We are taking inventory of ourselves and assigning
positive and negative labels to those traits we find within. The difference comes
in the form of the attitude we use while doing so. If we are judging the various
attributes, especially from a harsh light, then we are being critical rather than
simply being aware. When we are being self-critical, we are not loving, logical,
nor detached from the various elements of ourselves that we are analyzing. We are
being very judgmental and unnecessarily harsh.
Either way, we come to the same conclusion that changes need to take place, but the
emotional fuel behind them is very different. One says, “I choose to change because
it will help me to manifest the life I desire for myself. I am perfect whether I
change or not, but I choose this change because I would like to eliminate this self-defeating
behavior.” The other says, “I must change because I’m a loser and no good. I must
change because if I don’t, I’ll never be a winner. I can’t love myself until I am
a winner and am therefore not worthy of anyone else’s love either.” Both of these
views can be very powerful motivators, but the journey of life is difficult and challenging
enough without our having added unnecessary negativity to it.
Many of us were raised to be self-critical and have to learn how to love ourselves.
The goal is to be able to be both self-aware and self-loving. While trying to get
to that point, there is bound to be a transition period. During that time, while
taking inventory of ourselves we need to make a conscious effort to remain detached
and logical. Pretend that you are Spock from Star Trek. Do not attach any emotion
whatsoever to the various lists of positive and negative traits. They simply exist.
They are what they are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is no need to judge
them good or evil. Make an effort to logically analyze what is serving you and what
is not. Then make an informed decision as to what kinds of changes you think might
be of benefit to your future hopes and dreams. Eventually, the detachment can be
shifted towards having a loving emotion towards ourselves during the process. But
for starters, a detached evaluation will still serve the purpose of getting you moving
along towards a better future without the pain and heartache caused by being critical
and mean to yourself just for being human.
The only thing worse than ripping yourself apart with cruel self-thoughts, is to
pretend that nothing is wrong and to continue moving through your life repeating
the same bad experiences over and over while never learning from them. Self-growth,
self-help, self-empowerment, self-esteem, self-love all root from the ability to
be self-aware without judgment. As long as we hide from ourselves and do not face
our flaws head on, then we are making a choice to live an unfulfilling, unenlightened
life. Do not take the teachings about loving yourself just the way you are to mean
that you cannot improve upon your chances at happiness by making some internal adjustments.
When you love something, you nurture it, protect it, help it to grow and thrive.
The same should be true with self-love.
In being honest with ourselves regarding who and what we are, we can then begin making
real choices that have a real impact on our future happiness. We can decide to make
tiny adjustments or great big life changing alterations to ourselves. Avoiding taking
a good long look at yourself will not make the core of who you are and how you approach
life get any better. The act of avoiding self-reflection in and of itself implies
that you really do not see yourself as beautiful and exactly where you need to be
in life. Being self-critical will never lead you to see that you really are beautiful
and exactly where you need to be. Being self-aware will help you see that it is
true, you really are a beautiful soul just the way you are and exactly where you
are, but will also allow you to take control over where you will be heading next
and who you will be when you get there.
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow’s Edge
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