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Articles about Soulmates, Dating,
Marriage, and Romantic Relationships
If you like these articles, check out our free weekly newsletter, Looking Up Newsletter.
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How do I draw a soulmate into my life? You don’t. I’ve read plenty of books that tell you how to do it, but I don’t believe for a minute that you can place your cosmic order and your perfect ideal twin soul is going to materialize just like that at your front door. It doesn’t happen that way. You can open your heart and mind to finding a beautiful loving relationship, but chances are that using the word soulmate will almost jinx you from finding it. Why?
A friend of mine once commented on the amazing number of romance novels written and
the huge amount of money being made in that industry. He then shared his observation
that these romance novels do not usually tell their stories beyond the first ninety
days or so. He said people just want to read about the romance of falling in love,
not of the day-
Isn’t that the million-
Getting the nerve up to ask someone to go out with you can be very difficult. There
are a lot more reasons to be afraid than there are for being brave. Many of us have
When you are searching for your Mr. Right, I want you to pay close attention to his laugh. It may seem odd for me to say that, but you can tell a lot about a man by his laugh. Real laughter is uncontrollable. For just a moment something strikes us as funny and the sound of laughter pours forth spontaneously and without any real control on our part. It bubbles up and gives away the secret part of us that thinks the event or situation presented is funny. Laughter can be faked, but that’s part of what I want you to analyze when you are listening to his laughter.
So many of us stood at the alter saying our wedding vows knowing that we would do a better job of things than our parents had done. We grew up with storybooks and movies showing us that once you got to the wedding day, ‘they all lived happily ever after.’ Then when our marriages do not turn out as we expected, we experience a lot of guilt and feelings of failure. We tell ourselves that we must be flawed or that our partner did not try hard enough and that is why we failed at something that should have been easy and blissful. The truth is, ‘happily ever after’ is very rare and it is not a very realistic expectation.
I wish I could say that all relationships turn into ‘happily ever after’ but that’s just not true. Sometimes you work really hard at making a relationship move forward and it just does not have that special spark of magic needed to make it over the long haul. Other times, you got into the relationship for all the wrong reasons and now it’s time to bail out before you really hurt the other person. Nobody can really help you make the decision to stay or to go. You know in your deepest heart of hearts if the person you are involved with is good for you or not. You know whether or not you really love them or just want to love them. Nobody can make you fall in love, not even you. It happens or it doesn’t… so for the sake of this article, let’s assume that you are in that place where you have made the tough decision and you are going to end the relationship you are currently involved in. How do you make it as painless as possible for both of you?
I used to listen to a local evening radio show while I worked at my computer. It was a great show with a warm and funny hostess. Her show focused on love and romance. People would call in to request love songs because they were very happy in their present relationships. They would call in to say that their hearts were breaking and to request songs to lift their spirits. They would call in to request songs that they hoped would make someone come back to them. They dedicated songs to moms, dads, children, soldiers, best friends, and anyone else they might love. People would call after burying a loved one to request a song that brings back happy memories of when the person was still alive. It was a pretty sappy show and I loved it. However, one night, the radio hostess really ticked me off.
Divorce happens. I am not going to debate the causes or the moral and ethical implications of that here. Even if you are the innocent one who stuck to your vows and were dumped anyway, you still have to pick yourself up and move on. So let’s start from that place. At some point, you will wrestle within yourself and within your spiritual and religious beliefs as to whether or not you will date again. This article is for those of you who have decided that yes, you are going to date again and maybe even get married again. You have decided to give love a second chance.
If you are asking yourself that question, then somewhere within you there must be a desire to forgive the other person. After all, if you knew 100% for sure without doubts that you definitely should NOT forgive, then you would not be entertaining the question, right? You would have already said your goodbyes and would be moving on with your new life and licking your wounds. But what if you are struggling with the question? What then?
All you need is love. Love conquers all. Through love, all things are possible.
We are taught these concepts about love. While it is true that love is an amazing
and powerful thing capable of incredible healing, motivation, and miracles; a marriage
needs more than that. If love were really the only thing needed to sustain a long-
So you want a soulmate do you? Okay not necessarily something that big and cosmic but ‘happily ever after’ would suffice just fine. Maybe you have somewhat of an idea the type of person you are looking for and you want to place your order with the cosmos – ‘one true love meant for only me, please and thank you.’ Let me ask you this – are you ready? Are you worthy? Do you have the freedom to fall madly head over heals in love? Have you made a space for that one true love to fit so beautifully nested into your life? Don’t be foolish and assume that all things will just naturally fall into place once they show up. Come on now, you know better than that. Life doesn’t play like that.
When we think of prosperity and of creating abundance, it is easy enough to see how
working at a job that we love helps us to earn more money than if we worked at a
job we hated. We can see that if we add plenty of love and warm-
My oldest son asked me something the other day about all the news regarding the high divorce rate. I told him there aren’t too many divorces, there’s too many marriages. Most people get married without really knowing who they are marrying or just how big of a commitment they are making. Heck, most people get married before they even know themselves very well. When the reality of it all hits them, they are either stuck in a bad marriage for life, or they get a divorce. Education is the solution.
Deep down, we have not evolved as much as we would like to believe. Like the caveman,
we still want to curl up next to someone during the dark of night so that we aren’t
so alone in the cold survival game. We want to feel safe, warm, and loved inside
and out. It’s hardwired into our brains. We travel in packs and we care for our
young for a very long time. We need a mate to travel with, someone to love, someone
to cheer when we win the battles against vicious animals, someone to guard the cave
when we need to lick our wounds from the battles we lost. It’s not about being needy
How do you show someone you love them? Do you buy them expensive gifts? Spend quality time together? Make personal sacrifices just to see them smile? Dedicate a song to them? Write a love letter or note of encouragement? Become their cheerleader? Those are wonderful things to do but my question goes deeper then those types of activities, even beyond your romantic partner. Think about your parents, your children, your best friend, your sister, or your brother… anyone you love. How do you really show them that you love them? Reverse the question if you like – how do you really know if someone loves you?
I get so much email asking this question and there is no politically correct way to truthfully answer the question for you. So, if you want me to say that we are all simply different people with different preferences and that is why it is so hard to find what you are looking for, then don’t bother to read this. I can only speak for America’s dating scene right now and it probably doesn’t match what is going on around the rest of the world. The truth is, my foreign readers never ask the question. As a matter of fact, it is a select group of Americans that even ask.
Our feelings and attitudes have a huge impact on our ability to achieve 'happily ever after.' Are feelings and attitudes the same thing or different? Does one cause the other to happen? Which one has more power over how we respond? Does the person experiencing them have any choice in the matter? What if our feelings and attitudes are in conflict?
We have all heard the wonderfully romantic stories of pen pals that wrote to each other for years without meeting because they lived hundreds or even thousands of miles apart. Some friend of a friend set them up as pen pals or she decided to write to some unknown soldier away at war. They exchanged a few pictures and spent countless hours drafting letters back and forth, baring their hearts and souls to each other. Without ever dating, they fell in love. When one could eventually travel across the distance to finally meet the other, they both knew immediately that this was indeed the one they would spend the rest of their life with. The physical attraction was every bit as strong as the emotional attraction they had felt for each other. It is a classic story that has existed as long as there has been a postal system for delivering the letters between would be lovers.
She was haunted by a man whom she had never met. He came to her in her dreams. It was not just a reoccurring dream about some random Prince Charming archetype. This guy had flaws. He was just as mixed up and lost as she was. She would wake up from a dead sleep to the sound of his voice whispering in her ear, “Look out the window.” She would argue in her half asleep stupor, “Be quiet! I’m sleeping!” Again, he would whisper, “Look out the window.” She would eventually drag herself up from the cozy comfort of her bed to gaze out the window. There was the full moon big and beautiful. It magically called to her from somewhere in the back of her soul’s oldest memories.
It is not enough to tell someone you love them on a regular basis if there is no passion and fire behind the statement. We often say the words, “I love you” without really feeling the meaning of them. Yeah we know the words mean, ”You matter to me… I care about what happens to you…. I think you’re pretty cool.” But there is so much more to it then that. When we are first falling in love, we think about the ideas of what that means. We analyze the relationship and each other. We really look at what is developing and we evaluate whether or not it is safe to say those three little words. It is a big deal to make the decision to say it to someone else. How will they receive it? Do they feel the same way? Will they say, “I love you, too” or will they mumble something about having a meeting they forgot about? After the relationship is going along successfully, we forget to really think about what it means to still be saying, “I love you” to the other person.
Many theories exist as to what is a soulmate. The original roots of the concept go back to a belief in reincarnation. A soulmate is someone that you have encountered in many different life times and have loved many times. That is why the first time you meet them in this lifetime you feel as if you have known them forever. There is a mystical deja vu energy right from the start. Can you have more than one soulmate during your lifetime? Originally, the answer was no. As the definition of the word soulmate has changed, so has that answer. People’s religious and spiritual beliefs deeply affect how they view the concept of soulmates.
So you and your ex are debating getting back together again and you want to know
if it’s worth giving your relationship a second chance. It is hard enough to offer
an employee, a student, or a friend a second chance, but offering a lover a second
chance is very tricky. The level of emotional detachment is completely different
and you are opening yourself up to getting hurt again. On again-
When he says he’s sorry and he’ll never hit you again, he means it. He really believes it with all his heart. That’s why he’s so charismatic and believable. He means it when he says he loves you and he’s agonizingly sorry for what he’s done. You aren’t stupid for falling for his promises that it will never happen again. He falls for them too. He really truly believes those promises will be kept. That’s part of his anger later, he knows how much he wanted it to be true.
One of the hardest things to do is remaining married to someone ‘until death do us part.’ Being in love isn’t all that difficult, it’s the blending of lives, blending of belief systems, blending of extended families, and the daily hassles of putting up with the same roommate until the day you die. There are plenty of temptations to pull you away from your spouse too. The obvious example that comes to mind is the tantalizing opportunity to have sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse. However, there are other forms of infidelity; workaholic, alcoholic, shopaholic, sports addict, computer addict, drug addict, and so on. The idea is that we allow these things to take priority over our spouse. One of the most difficult things to address is the children and their ability to come between the parents. I’m not saying that children’s needs are not important, especially when they are quite young, but we do have a tendency to let their needs become so much more important than our spouse’s that the marriage can begin to fall apart. Do I even need to mention what financial problems can do to a marriage? Plenty of studies have shown that it is the number one topic couples argue about. Without judging and analyzing each of these various triggers that can add to marital problems, let’s look at the steps that need to be taken in order to fix the marriage once one or more of these things have chipped away at the marriage and things are not looking so loving, supportive, safe, and secure anymore.