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Respecting Our Elders

 

In the quiet and stillness of my mind, I can hear my fortieth birthday breathing down my neck.  I know that in less than a year, I will have to turn around and face the monster that has eaten up my youth and now expects something meaningful of me.  Thirty was the birthday that made me cry for lost beauty and sex appeal.  I have made peace with the aging facial features and sagging body parts even though they are not my favorite aspect of having been on this planet for a whirlwind ride.  For me, forty is not about race cars and liposuction, although they are still on my to-do list!  No, for me, forty is about becoming one of the leaders of society.  Anyone in Corporate America or in politics knows that you are not taken seriously until after forty.  Heck, we aren’t even treated like adults until we’re at least thirty.  Anyone under forty is still likely to have their ideas dismissed as youthful dreams.  By sixty you are outdated and behind the times.  Such is the silliness of our society.  So for the next twenty years, it is my turn to be an adult, a leader, a teacher, and a guide for those who will someday follow in my footsteps.

 

I have grown up hearing rumors that there used to exist a concept called ‘elders.’  Apparently, they were these wise kind caring elderly people who we could turn to in times of doubt for inspiration, lessons, and teachings that would help us to find our own way.  These elders had wonderful stories that taught us to think about life lessons and how we would conduct ourselves.  These elders were a source of unconditional love and wisdom.  They held the stories of our families, our heritage, and of our societies.  Elders were no longer in a position of power but they were still held in the highest esteem for they had survived life’s hardships and lived to tell the tale.  They knew how things worked and why.  They knew of the obstacles in our paths because they had walked those same journeys.  I spent much of my youth searching for my own personal ‘elders.’  I never found them.

 

No offense is intended; it is just an unpleasant fact for most of my generation.  Those of us just now turning forty really do not have elders that we can turn to for advice and direction.  The generation in front of us was raised in a completely different world than ours.  Tell me Granny, how do I fix the ozone layer?  Tell me Grandpa, how do I keep my teenagers sober without beating the fear of a cruel angry revengeful God into them?  Go to a retired entrepreneur in his golden years and ask him how to successfully design, market, and run an Internet based business.  Yeah, some of it is technology and a fast paced changing world.  But there’s more to it than that.  There was a lot of alcoholism and self-destructive behaviors in the generation before me.  When I ask for their wisdom, they just sneer at me grumble and babble to themselves about the world falling to pieces and how disrespectful today’s youth is.  Those who survived sober and relatively healthy are bitter at what the world has become.  Those who are bright and still have a positive attitude are rare.  When I ask them for their guidance, they just smile and shrug, “Things were so much simpler when I was your age.  I haven’t a clue how to help you, my dear.”  When I ask for the stories of our history, the stories that should educate and inspire me, they look at me like I’ve asked them to produce fairies and elves.  They really don’t even grasp what it is I am looking for.  It’s nothing personal, there just aren’t that many of them around and those that are have no idea how to solve the problems that we face today.  

 

Turning forty does not make me an elder just yet, but I peer into the future and wonder who will be the elders for this new generation of children growing up now?  Who will my grandchildren turn to for wisdom and guidance?  Me, that’s who.  What kind of elder will I become?  Will I be a bitter old woman sucking on my red wine and grumbling about how things just keep getting worse?  Will I be healthy and vibrant or weak and brittle?  Will my mind be active and full of up-to-date knowledge or will I be so far behind the times that I am clueless as to what the kids are talking about?  Will I be a source of unconditional love and inspiration?  Will I be wise from lessons learned through hard work and tenacity?  Will they trust me to tell them the truth when they come to me for advice?  Will I have earned their respect?  Will they call me an ‘elder’ or an ‘old bat?’  Will I have gathered up some clever stories to tell, stories that teach them important life lessons, stories that make them stronger for having heard them?  Will I know what to say?

 

How we conduct ourselves as adults determines how the generations behind us view us.  If the concept of ‘elders’ is to come back into our culture, then we are going to have to behave in a way that our young can respect us.  As it is now, most of the youth in this country do not trust their political leaders, the media, their educators, or even their own parents to be intelligent, honest, and compassionate.  If we are to be seen as ‘elders’ some day, then we must earn their respect today.  Stories of our heroics, our integrity, and our tenacity will go far to earn their admiration and trust.  I for one will do my best to become the ‘elder’ that I wish I had available to me during my darkest hours.

 

Copyright 2005, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow’s Edge

 

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