Practice, Practice, Practice
It may sound silly but the key to self-confidence and building more self-esteem is
through practice. Practice what it is you want to feel more confident about and
eventually, the confidence will show itself. That makes sense if we are talking
about a skill like playing the piano. With enough practice, you naturally begin
to get good at it and then you feel more confident. But what about tougher things
like public speaking or meeting new people? How do you practice something that you
are terrified to do in the first place?
If you have extreme self-esteem issues then you might want to seek professional help,
but if you have determined that is not necessary, I would suggest that you start
out by finding something that you genuinely love to do. Other than maybe reading
books or doing crossword puzzles over coffee, most hobbies are a good place to start.
Do you love to paint? Do you love to play a musical instrument? Do you love athletics?
Find something that you love to do or that you think you would love to do. It is
not important what it is other than that it would bring you into contact with people
on a tiny level. Unless you are living in a cave somewhere, somebody is going to
see your artwork, hear your music, or see you running around practicing your sport.
You do not have to pick a big team-oriented thing, just something that fascinates
you and will be noticeable. Then do it. Learn to draw, take music lessons, start
playing basketball in your own driveway, whatever… just start doing something that
you can really enjoy.
Keep doing it until you get really good at it. It does not have to necessarily become
your new career, but that would be fun for you if it does. Practice often and with
complete joy. Lose yourself in it. That is part of overcoming self-confidence issues
is forgetting to think about yourself. Swim laps at the pool until you forget to
care how you look. Get lost in something other than analyzing yourself. Fall in
love with some hobby that takes your mind away from what others might think of you.
Just keep practicing something you love until you get really good at it. It is
your hobby and your love, so do not make any judgments over whether or not it is
stupid to like doing whatever it is that you like doing. Just get on with it.
When you are in the moment -- writing music or designing websites or whatever it
is you have chosen, take a moment to reflect on how far you have come. At some point,
you are going to realize that you are not too bad. At another point, you will even
think, “Hey, I’m pretty good at this.” Someday, you will look up and notice that
you are an expert or at the very least awesome at what you have chosen to do. Take
that growing self-confidence that is connected to your hobby and begin channeling
it into other areas. Depending on how much of a self-esteem problem you started
out with it could be a matter of months or years before you are able to really see
yourself in a new light. It is one thing to say that everyone has their unique and
special talent. It is quite another to find and embrace your own.
Your talent will not be something you hate doing. Sure, I am really quite good at
scrubbing the bathroom. You can conduct a white glove inspection when I am done,
but that is not my special talent. That is not my special gift to the world. And
it sure as heck never built an ounce of self-confidence for me. No, you have to
really truly deeply love what it is you are doing or the talent won’t show itself.
You have to forget to think and lose all track of time while zoning out in the flow
of creating, building, stretching, and growing with the hobby. Get to the point
that when you look up and notice what you have done, that you are impressed with
yourself. Practice until you get to that point where you forget to judge yourself.
You could very well end up making it into your career if there is a market for it.
If there isn’t… no harm done. You have got to build a can-do attitude around your
ability to do something well.
Once you have learned something that well, you can begin stretching beyond your comfort
zone and trying other things like public speaking. Okay so that might not happen
right away, but once you have really mastered something, then you can always remind
yourself that you are capable of success and you are capable of learning something
new. Once you know that you can practice and learn new things, then the fear of
new things is not nearly so immobilizing. You can step beyond your fears knowing
that with enough practice you can master almost anything you set your mind to. At
that point, you will not actually have a self-esteem problem anymore.
The point is that by playing around with something you love until you are very good
at it, you will gain self-esteem and that is going to make it possible for you to
hold your head high and to bravely step into other more frightening areas of life.
Start out by practicing at something you love until you are good at it, and then
move on to the other things that do not sound like much fun at all. You will know
deep down that there is nothing to be afraid of. It all comes down to whether or
not you believe that you are capable of learning something new. That is all. Self-confident
people reassure themselves when walking into unknown territory by saying, “Well,
I’ll just have to wing it until I learn how to do it right. I’m sure I’ll figure
it out soon enough.” That comes from experiencing the positive effects of having
practiced and learned something new. So go learn something new -- start with something
fun.
Copyright 1999-2009, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow’s Edge.
All rights reserved worldwide.
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