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Keeping Our Kids Off of Drugs

 

Studies have shown that many of us are predisposed to addiction.  Sometimes it shows up as a family problem with alcoholism, cigarettes, overeating, or as actual illegal drug usage.  Whether a family has challenges with one of these addictions or a combination of them isn’t really the point of this article.  If your family history shows a problem in one of these areas, then your teenagers have a good chance of turning out the same.  Even if you are sober but your parents have a history of alcoholism, your child will most likely carry the genetics of such a tendency.  What can you do to help your teens stay sober especially during the party years between fifteen and twenty-five?

 

The most important thing that you can do is to talk straight.  Everyone knows that you are supposed to talk to your kids and tell them that it is not okay to drink and do drugs.  You are supposed to tell them what your beliefs are about all of these substances.  That is all good and well, but I think this is probably the area where most parents fall short.  Kids know if their folks are hypocrites, whether the parents admit it to themselves or not.  Teens also find out from other extended family members what kinds of teenagers their own parents were even if the parents try to hide their own youthful indiscretions from their children.  This is the perfect time to come clean with your kids literally and figuratively.  

 

I told my kids straight up what kind of kid I was before I started drinking at parties and what kind of person I was afterwards.  I told them straight up what marijuana usage cost me and how the pot I smoked back then affected them.  No my children are not drug babies, but they have no dad in their life because of his choice to stay stoned instead of to sober up and come live a clean healthy life with us.  My kids know exactly what getting high can cost you.  I told them how I felt depressed and low before I ever started partying and how during the actual high of the party I would forget that I was painfully shy or that I had no self-esteem.  It was always later that I would hear from my friends about the stupid things I had done while blacked out that I would hate myself even more and would want to hide my head in shame from everyone who knew anyone who had seen me that night.  These kinds of stories take the laughter and enticement of the beer commercials and turn them into reality checks.  I also told them the difference between real friends and drinking buddies who ditch you the minute you even mention the concept of sobering up.

 

I told my children about their family genetics and pointed out to them all of the people on both sides of the family who have issues with alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, and overeating.  I showed them that they have no way of escaping that addiction gene.  “You are NOT going to be like those people who can have a few cigarettes while out partying on a Friday night and then easily quit smoking on Saturday morning.  You will hear it calling to you, haunting you, just like the XBOX and the PlayStation does.  I’m sorry but you won’t ever be a casual drinker or a one time pot smoker.  Think about the way you get easily hooked on things.  Drugs will be no different for you.  It’s in your genetics.  You are better off to never try it or taste it, because of this family curse.”  Yeah it’s harsh, but it’s the realities of drugs that the kids need to hear and they need to hear it from someone they can trust.  They need to hear real life stories of how it is ugly and of how it tricks you into thinking everything is okay when all the while it is destroying your future and your self-respect.  

 

I also told them about fertility issues caused by marijuana and how it took so long to get pregnant that first time.  I told them how I would sob thinking that I was not capable of having children only to find out that it was the drugs we were doing.  Within a month of sobering up, I was pregnant and my first son gave me cause to stay sober.  I told them straight up how sobriety with them was so much better then a million college parties with all of my stoner friends.  Every day that my first child has been with me, he has at the very least made me smile if not all out laugh.  I would not trade real authentic joy for a fake drug induced good time for anything in all of the world.  I told them how hard it was to have all of my friends ditch me because I wanted to be sober and to find real happiness.  I told them everything.  They do not see drugs as glamorous or as an escape from our daily dramas.  They see drugs as an enemy that took their dad from them and caused them to live their earliest years in extreme poverty.  They see drugs for what they really are.  

 

My oldest boy made a proposal about two years ago that I have found horrible and beautiful.  He hates that of all the addictions that I gave up, cigarettes had always hung on.  I love smoking them.  I don’t care what the health effects are.  If I could find a non-carcenagenic, appetite-suppressant, multivitamin form of a light menthol cigarette, I would be in heaven!  But that is not how they are made is it?  My son is terrified that I will die of Cancer.  So he proposed this idea…. If I will “Just Say No” to cigarettes, then he will do the same with drugs and alcohol being offered to him at school.  He will stay sober if I agree to not light up again.  It is the perfect form of Practice What You Preach.  I hate it!  I love it!  Every time I am stressed out and want a cigarette, I tell him that I am fighting that temptation.  Every time the kids at school invite him to a party where there is going to be beer or drugs, he tells me and then he lets me know that he already decided not to attend the party.  It works because we are both very honest with each other.  He knows that he can tell me anything and that I will not attack him for it because he knows that I have been there and that I really do know how much pressure he is under.

 

Talk straight with your kids.  Don’t just tell them to say no to drugs.  Tell them why they should say no and give them real answers that make sense.  Don’t just say that God will be angry at them or something like that.  Tell them what drugs and alcohol can do to your life.  If you do not have personal experiences of hell to tell them, then find someone who does.  Take the lie of glamour away and show them the ugly truth.  They will respect you more and they will trust you.  Honesty is always the best policy when educating our kids.

 

Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow’s Edge

 

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