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negative self-
How can I conquer my negativity and become a naturally positive person?
answers these questions
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Dealing with Criticism and Rejection
Whether it is the other kids making fun of you at school, you just received a really
harsh performance evaluation from your boss, you got turned down by the girl you
asked out, or you did not get the job you interviewed for, rejection and criticism
hurts. I will not tell you not to take it personally, because it is personal. You
are the one who was criticized. You are the one who was rejected. No matter how
much self-
You could be angry or revengeful, but that won’t actually make you feel wanted and
admired. Quite often, it can bite you in the rear end too. You may have been a
really close #2 for that promotion at work. The girl who turned you down for the
date might have been in the middle of breaking up with someone and was thinking that
you would be a good companion later on down the road. Your boss may actually like
you a lot and it may be his boss who told him that he was being too nice during the
performance evaluations and that he needed to be tougher. You do not always know
for sure why you are being criticized or why you were rejected. If your gut response
is to do something vengeful, there is a good chance that you are closing the door
on any future acceptance by those same people. There are no long-
You could just assume that the other person is stupid or wrong and completely ignore
them and their opinions of you. The problem with this approach is that you may have
been able to find nuggets of truth in their criticisms that you could have used for
personal growth. Not all criticism is meant to be destructive and mean. Constructive
criticism can be hard to take, but extremely useful. My daughter had heard that
a dear friend of hers was being made fun of at school because he had bad breath and
the kids thought he was goofy because of some clothing choices. She wrestled with
the decision for a long time before she finally decided to come forward and tell
him what was being said behind his back. He was mortified but he was also able to
make some changes in his personal hygiene and his wardrobe choices. Ultimately,
he chose to take the course of self-
You could obsess over what they have said. I have had readers write in to tell me
that my articles stink. One in particular hated an article I wrote about picking
and choosing a couple of good causes to donate your time to rather then trying to
do it all. She obviously did not read the article because she thought that I was
saying that I personally could single-
For your own sake, I would recommend taking your emotional heart out of the situation. Do not allow your heart to make the evaluations as to whether or not the rejections or criticisms in your life are valid or not. From a logical position, you can ask the person who turned you down why they made that choice. Was the other person more qualified for the job? Did the kids at school catch you picking your nose in public? Were they having a bad day? How can you improve yourself so as to safeguard yourself from future criticisms and rejections? Stand up straight, walk tall, and don’t let them see you sweat!
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow’s Edge