Age Envy

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Age Envy

Like many teenagers, my children think it would be cool to be on television and in the movies. Therefore, they both like to try out for roles as extras in commercials and various films when the opportunity shows itself. When we still lived in Oregon, my son tried out for a background role in a commercial promoting the Portland Trailblazers. As I sat in the waiting room waiting for him to finish his interview, I was amazed to see an elderly woman come bouncing into the office wearing the most outrageous costume. She was easily 70 years old. However, she had the energy of a 20 year old. She wore a flamboyant red hat and a crazy purple outfit. She had attached purple feather boas around the base of her blouse and around the cuffs of her pants and sleeves. She was like some kind of cartoon character right out of Tune Town.

Everyone in the room was magnetically attracted to her and she was charming, funny, and yet incredibly dignified. She did not act as if she was a clown. She behaved as if she were royalty, a pampered princess whom the peasants adored. She too was there to get a role in that Trailblazer commercial. Unlike the rest of the applicants, she had been invited to attend the tryouts. The staff knew her by name and was delighted to see her. She sat beside me as she waited for her turn to go in the back room and talk with the director. As we sat and talked, I was delighted to find this woman was sharp, bright, incredibly well adjusted, and having the time of her life. She had joined the Red Hat Society and kept a busy schedule representing the sisterhood.

She explained to me that it was a club for women over 50. They dress up in purple and wear red hats. They have tea parties, host charity events, and enjoy life without allowing fear and propriety to stop them from having fun. I was quite familiar with “The Warning” by Elizabeth Lucas. It is one of my favorites and starts out like this…

WARNING

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

It goes on from there with all kinds of silly and fun ideas about how she plans to enjoy life as an old woman. I knew many young women who loved the poem and who secretly thought how fun it would be to actually do some of the things mentioned in it. This vision of rebellion and loveliness sitting beside me was actually living that poem and giving the rest of us permission and encouragement to do the same.

She got a part in the commercial and so did my son. In fact, they asked her to bring a handful of women from the Red Hat Society with her. Filming that commercial took three days and for three days, I got to observe these smart intellectual women conduct themselves with dignity and grace as they played at being in a commercial. They were happy to allow me to join them at their table and were happy to share stories of their outings, tea parties, charity events, and publicity stunts that they participated in together. I was surprised to find these women were highly educated and had all lived very serious lives with important careers. It was only logical and sensible that now they would dress as they do and behave as if there was nothing abnormal or odd in their style. They made it sound as if it was an honorable and dignified choice, it was simply the thing to do.

I found myself jealous and wishing I was ten years older so I could join their club. I wanted to be an old woman and I wanted to pass that 50th birthday so I too could wear purple clothes, fluffy boas, red hats, and long gloves. I wanted to be dignified and silly, regal and rebellious. They told me it was against the rules and I could not, because I was not old enough. However, I could join the Pink Hat Society and wear lavender and pink. I could practice so that upon that great day when I am finally old enough to hang out with such exciting and fancy women, I will be ready and I will know how to do it just right.

We have since moved away to a new city and this morning I typed “Red Hat Society” into a search engine and found that they are a flourishing organization. I have quite a few birthdays to go, but I am really looking forward to turning 50, so I can join these funny happy ladies. Studies show laughter is the best medicine, friends add years to our lives, and a joyful heart heals quicker and pumps stronger than an unhappy heart. The Red Hatters, as they like to be called, are a vibrant and healthy group of women who live long delightfully charming lives.

One can only imagine how empowering it must be to dawn such attire and to make public one’s declaration to enjoy life to the fullest and to laugh aloud without embarrassment at stuffy ways and overly serious attitudes. We shall wear our red hats and let the world know that growing old is a privilege to be achieved with twinkling eyes and heads held high. Even for those who cannot bring themselves to dress up in frilly silly costumes, there is something to be learned from the Red Hat Society about the beauty and freedom that comes with age.

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